Tuesday, October 28, 2014

AP Literature: Estrella Paragraphs

Please post your paragraph as a comment here. As you offer commendations and criticisms to your peers, please include your name and direct your commentary to the individual author.

45 comments:

John Munger said...

Throughout the excerpt, the reader learns the difficulties that Estrella dealt with through the majority of her life with the use of details in the passage. Viramontes provides the reader with details of her growing up with tese difficulties that she contends with and endures. Growing up as a migrant child, she thirsted for knowledge, “ But some of the teachers were more concerned about the dirt under her fingeranails. They inspected her head for lice, parting her long hair with ice cream sticks. They scrubbed her fingers with a tooth brush until they were so sore she couldn’t hold a pencil properly”. The detail in this example shows that the teachers cared more about her well being versus her quest to acquire the knowledge she always wnated to know. This was a difficulty that she went through. Viramontes later brings up a name, “ Mrs. Horn, who had the face of a crumpled Kleenex and a nose like a hook”. This use of detail shows that Estrella was not a fan of Mrs. Horn because Viramontes brings up her name. Mrs. Horn was a teacher that made her life difficult. The final example involves a biblical reference to Jesus getting crucified,” Estrella realized that words could become as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet”. This shows Estrella’s first bit of knowledge she has learned and it is a painful lesson because it shows that she had no idea she was a dirty child and that is why many of her teachers treated her as such; it is information that piecred her feet and caused her extreme emotional pain.
John Munger

Kaitlin M said...

Viramontes uses selective figurative language, such as diction, to depict Estrella’s character. Estrella strives to learn but is not receiving any of the answers to her questions. She becomes frustrated and “For days she was silent with rage.” Viramontes selects certain words such as “silent” and “rage” to show that she is beyond just angry. She is frustrated that no one is teaching her. Instead of teaching Estrella, they fuss over the fact that Estrella is “dirty”. Estrella never thought of herself as dirty, “that the wet towel wiped on her resistant face each morning, the vigorous brushing and tight braids her mother neatly weaved were not enough for Mrs. Horan.” This quote depicts the thoughts of Estrella by using words such as “tight braids” and “vigorous brushing.” This was normal for Estrella. She never thought that there were certain standards that were needed to be reached in society. Estrellas determination was emphasized through the quote “Tools to build, tools to bury, tear down, rearrange and repair.” Words such as “build” and “tear down” show her motivation to build up her knowledge. All of Viramontes words are chosen purposefully to display Estrellas character.

Laura said...

Viramontes uses functional detail to create a triangulated foil that helps to reveal Estrella’s growth and development throughout the excerpt. At first, Viramontes describes Estrella as a frustrated and confused migrant child who “hated when things were kept from her.” Much of this frustration is due to her teacher, Mrs. Horn whose name has the connotation of the devil and has a “nose like a hook” that suggests a similar character of a witch. Instead of being concerned with teaching Estrella the things she is unfamiliar and uncomfortable with, Mrs. Horn makes Estrella feel even more helpless and frustrated because Viramontes describes Estrella realizing how “words could become as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet.” Estrella’s character is described in consideration with Mrs. Horn, who resembles the carelessness of the devil. It isn’t until the shift in the excerpt when Perfecto Flores is introduced that the reader can see how Viramontes transitions Estrella’s character as in ease with her new cultural surroundings. Perfecto Flores’s name is used “to describe a job well done.” Perfecto is Mrs. Horn’s foil, as he represents a good hearted man going out of his way as a maintenance man to help teach a confused child, something her own teacher can’t seem to do. He assures Estrella that “if that doesn’t work, because your manitas aren’t strong yet, fasten the vise pliers.” The use of the word “manitas” to mean little hands is a specific detail that helps characterize Perfecto and create a language connection that deems comforting between Estrella and him. The author clues Perfecto Flores to be Estrella’s savior in this excerpt because of the foil Mrs. Horn forms with Perfecto Flores, in which by recognizing this contrasting image, Estrella’s changing character is revealed.
Laura Carlson

John Cormier said...

Viramontes develops Estrella’s character farther thought specific details, such as imagery and diction. In the novel Estrella is constantly trying to learn about the world around her. Viramontes shows the reader this by opening the passage with Estrella asking “So what is this?” However she is not receiving any of the answers to her questions from traditional sources. Since “some of the teachers were more concerned about the dirt under her fingernails.” From this quote the reader can tell that Estrella is obviously a poorer member of society as she lacks decent personal hygiene and access to a quality education. This lack of proper education was first hinted at in the opening paragraph by the way Estrella chooses to describe unknown objects “as confusing and foreign as the alphabet she could not decipher.” The langue in this quote also hints at Estrella’s possible immigrant background with the word foreign. This is confirmed in the next paragraph when it is stated that the teachers reserved “the desks in the back of the classroom for the next batch of migrant children.” The image of Estrella the immigrant is reinforced by the trace amounts of Spanish that Virmontes throws into the passage with words like pisca, pegarle, aqui, and manitas. Virmontes reveals to the reader just how determined Estrella is when it comes to finding answers when she looks to other sources, such as Perfecto Flores, to make up for the failures of traditional educators, like the devilish Mrs. Horn. In fact it was because of Perfecto’s teachings that showed Estrella the “power of function” and the “significance it awarded her” that “she began to read.”
John Cormier

Melanie Morris said...

Spanning the excerpt from Under the Feet of Jesus, Helena Viramontes characterizes Estrella using emotion invoking diction to give the reader a sense of who she is and to make her someone to empathize with. The words chosen by the author serve to develop Estrella in her transition from confused and hopeless to enlightened and empowered. "Estrella hated when things were kept from her...she often wondered what happened to all the things they boxed away in tool chests and kept to themselves," is an example of when her frustration and misunderstanding are portrayed through Viramontes' words. Viramontes makes comparisons between Estrella's lack of understanding in regards to tools with her incomprehension of the English language. Estrella may want to learn, but she can not find the tools to do so. The incorporation of Spanish phrasing by Viramontes makes a connection to Estrella's previous culture. The spanish language may appear out of place in the classroom, yet it is so accessible to Perfecto. He "lifted the chisel and hammer, aqui, pergale aqui," writes Viramontes of Perfecto. In this moment Estrella comes to the realization that she is capable of learning, and that patience and guidance would allow her to shine like the star that is her namesake. The language used by Viramontes establishes Estrella's feelings and links the reader to her struggles by the tone of the passage.

Katie Folan said...

Viramontes employs figurative language in order to develop Estrella’s character. In the excerpt, Viramontes compares Estrella’s education and temperament to tools, “the tool chest… seemed as confusing and foreign as the alphabet she could not decipher.” The use of metaphor initially reveals that Estrella is frustrated and confused because she doesn’t have the information that she wants to learn. Viramontes characterizes Estrella as someone who is hungry for knowledge and doesn’t like when things are kept from her. The large hole in Estrella’s education is exposed as the result of teachers who do not care about teaching her. Viramontes shows that Estrella comes to realize the void in her education through the use of simile, “Estrella realized words could be as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet.” The use of simile shows that Estrella understands what words can do but not what they actually mean. However, this is remedied with the appearance of Perfecto Flores, who teaches Estrella what her teachers failed to. The irony employed here further characterizes Estrella as someone who is eager to comprehend but was never given the chance, therefore making her irritated. The metaphor of tools extended throughout the excerpt is concluded with Estrella’s epiphany, “she lifted the pry bar… felt the…power of function, weighed the significance it awarded her, and soon she came to understand how essential it was to know these things.” With this last comparison, Estrella finally learns what she was so eager to understand, and decides to continue her learning through reading.

Marissa Eisnor said...

Under the feet of Jesus by Helena Maria Viramontes follows the path of a young girl, Estrella, develop from a stonewalled questioning girl to a more understanding and inspired curious student of life. Viramontes uses dramatic irony between two figures in Estrella’s life, her teacher Miss. Horn who taught her “words could be excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet” and the handy man Perfecto who taught her about “tools to build, bury, tear down, rearrange, and repair”. This irony Viramontes creates with these foils of characters is meant to show Estella’s growth not only has a student but with her self identity. Miss. Horn was supposed to be her teacher at school, teaching Estrella academics and not “about the dirt under her fingernails.”. Not only does this frustrate Estrella but Viramontes adds the teachers general characterization of “migrant children” which Estrella is able to recognize. She is frustrated that no one will teach her how to read or write and, “The teachers in the schools did the same, never giving her the information she wanted.”. Perfecto is the opposite of Miss.Horn and helps teach Estrella not only about tools but “to understand how essential it was to know these things.”. He gives her his time as he too is an immigrant and Viramontes uses this to help Estrella have someone to identify with. Upon learning the simple names of tools from an unsuspecting teacher, Estrella’s curiosity finally leads to “when she began to read” and she no longer “hated when things were kept from her”.

Eric Sanford said...

Through meticulously crafted diction, Viramontes creates a deep empathy in the reader for the character of Estrella. The very beginning of the passage is a question told from Estrella's point of view, forcing the reader to ask along with her, "So what is this?" By doing this, Viramontes is able to convey the same sense of bewilderment to the reader that Estrella is feeling at the start of the passage. Viramontes further delves into the character of Estrella by carefully inserting Estrella's own phrasing or understanding of certain things, from the "funny-shaped" tools to the "crumpled Kleenex" face of her teacher, Mrs. Horn, and the inclusion of occasional brief phrases such as "aqui, pergarle aqui," in Estrella's native language of Spanish. With this, Viramontes builds up Estrella's naïveté not only as a child, but also as someone first learning English, giving her character far more depth. Viramontes is also able to use language to convey Estrella's feelings very well; the reader feels her pain and frustration at her struggle to learn, which is "as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet," not only evoking powerful imagery, but also alluding to the crucifixion of Christ; and the accomplishment she experiences when she is finally given access to the literal tools and their functions, allowing her to simultaneously realize the "power of function" of words as well. Choosing every word with great care in order to precisely convey Estrella's character development, Viramontes considers connotations behind even the names of secondary characters such as the witch-like Mrs. Horn, and Estrella's role model and true teacher, Perfecto Flores; implying their natures through the stark contrast of the demonic resonance behind "Horn" and the idyllic Spanish translation of "Perfect Flowers". Diction is continually used by Viramontes to show how Estrella develops as she learns to wield the "power of function" to finally conquer her inability to read.

Jasmine Graslie said...

The shift in tone that is communicated by Viramontes plays a prominent role in the development of Estrella’s character. Being a migrant child, Estrella first has a negative perspective of the new culture she’s been dropped into. She’s confused by, “the red tool box that stood guard by the door,” and, “for days she was silent with rage,” when she realized that she was conflicted by her ignorance of what was inside. Her frustration is further developed when trying to find a, “point to the diagonal lines written in chalk on the blackboard,” and add a meaning to, “the script A’s.” She relates her confusion with the alphabet to the tools inside the red tool box, so to her, “the small i’s resembled nails.” The height of Estrella’s discouragement came when Mrs. Horn told Estrella she was dirty, “and for the first time Estrella realized words could become as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet.” All Estrella has been longing for is an education that will allow her to understand the secrets that a foreign language and foreign tools bear. When Estrella finally gets the chance to meet Perfecto, he takes the time to teach her like no one else has. Perfecto tells her the name of each tool and explains what their main functions are. Perfecto gave Estrella, “a box of reasons,” rather than a mess of confusion. Estrella began to understand and become more willing to learn, rather than resentful in regards to her education. Estrella’s character over time acquires the insight to realize, “how essential it was to know these things.”
Jasmine Graslie

Ahnya Dague said...

In the excerpt of Under the Feet of Jesus, Helena Maria Viramontes uses strong figurative language to develop the character of Estrella. Her subtle yet controlling use of allusions portray Estrella as dedicated and determined young lady. When Viramontes explains that “words could become as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet”, the readers develop an association with Jesus and the crucifixion and the dedication he portrayed. Through this association, Viramontes reveals Estrella as a dedicated individual because although these words are hard for Estrella to lean and comprehend, her determination to overcome this barrier is stronger than the harm inflicted on her by such choice words. Through the use of irony in regards to Perfecto, Viramontes portrays Estrella as an untraditional character. Traditionally, the school teacher, in this case Mrs. Horn, would be the individual responsible for educating Estrella and providing her with everything necessary, as far as knowledge, to succeed in life. However, in a dramatic twist, this school teacher neglects her duties and instead, the maintenance man, Perfecto, is the man who ultimately teaches Estrella about language. After struggling with language for years, its only after Perfecto teaches Estrella about his tools that “she began to read”. This situation develops Estrella as someone who will take an untraditional route in accomplishing what she’s put her mind to. Lastly, it is through the use of an extended metaphor that the readers learn that Estrella is intelligent and sharp minded. Throughout the excerpt, there is an extended metaphor between Perfecto’s perplexing tool box and foreign tools and the language Estrella struggles to understand. When Perfecto teaches Estrella about his tools and what he does, he inadvertently teaches her that troublesome language because “Perfecto Flores taught her the names that went with the tools…” By showing that Estrella could apply such seemingly arbitrary knowledge to her life and make so much out of it, Viramontes depicts her as someone who is resourceful and intelligent. Viramontes is very careful in how she characterizes Estrella and why.

Tony Chen said...

Beyond simple detail, Viramontes scatters symbolism throughout the passage as a means of subtly conveying the extent of Estrella’s hardships. The initial simile that draws a comparison between tools and letters of the alphabet serves to compare the educational subject of Estrella’s frustration to something tangible and physical- the “jumbled steel” that carries its own cold, unfeeling hardness- while using the red of the toolbox itself to color her heated emotions. Viramontes’s inclusion of imagery in the description of how Estrella is treated by her teachers characterizes her as underprivileged. The “dirt under her fingernails” indicates the presence of physical labor in the girl’s life, which parallels the socioeconomic and emotional struggles that come with the life of a migrant child. Ironically, Estrella’s teachers check her hair for lice with ice cream sticks; remnants of an indulgence that is implied to be beyond her means are employed solely to further isolate her from other children. Viramontes’s use of the phrase “as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet” is not just an allusion to the feet of Jesus; the emphasis on rust reflects the outdated stereotypes and prejudices that have hurt Estrella time and time again. Her novel, published in 1995, develops Estrella’s character in a way that criticizes common views of migrant workers in the mid-1900s setting of her story. This criticism is further communicated by Viramontes’s tone throughout the excerpt.

Anna Sweeney said...

Throughout the selection from Under the Feet of Jesus, Viramontes uses symbolism to show the development of Estrella’s character. Perfecto is teaching Estrella about tools while she is learning to read, making each tool a symbol for her knowledge. As she begins to understand the tools, she understands the language as well. Estrella worked very hard to understand each tool in Perfecto’s tool box just like she would understand the script. She could find similarities between both things that she was learning, “The script A’s had the curlicue of a pry bar, a hammerhead split like a V.” Perfecto helped Estrella develop from very confused to a good student and more understanding of the language. She struggled in the beginning with both the tools but every time she began to really grasp the usage of the tools she could compare them to her reading. Perfecto told her the name of every tool which also helped her to speak and read. “…And soon she came to understand how essential it was to know these things,” once she finally learned each tool, Estrella became confident with the script and started to learn to read. Each tool that Estrella learns symbolizes her growth in learning the English language as shown by Viramontes.

Anonymous said...

Ariana Bruno

Viramontes makes use of indirect characterization to give the reader a better understanding of Estrella’s determination to break the language barrier. The indirect characterization is used to describe Estrella’s feelings towards how she learns and the way she is treated. The constant judgment and carelessness from her teachers fuels the fire for Estrella to want to learn. She doesn’t like to feel confused or forgotten and takes pride when Perfecto teaches her. A comparison is drawn between the tools she is learning and the mysterious letters she can’t seem to grasp. By comparing these two means of education the reader is able to see how she reacts to frustration. Estrella’s character is determined but needs guidance in order to learn, “The curves and tails of the tools made no sense and the shapes were as foreign and meaningless to her as chalky lines on the blackboard. But Perfecto Flores was a man who came with his tool chest and stayed.” The difference between how Perfecto Flores teaches Estrella compared to Ms. Horn, makes the transition and understanding easier and more desirable. Viramontes successfully establishes a solid idea of who Estrella is through the indirect characterization through mood, imagery and the description of others.

Jensen said...

In Under the Feet of Jesus, Helena Maria Viramontes utilizes symbolism to characterize and develop Estrella. Throughout the excerpt, there are many examples where Viramontes expertly uses symbolism; the most repeated being the tools. When the tool chest is first mentioned, the tools were described as “foreign as the alphabet she could not decipher”. Estrella, being one of the “migrant children” is unfamiliar with the English language and the tools, which are locked in the chest, are symbolic of the language that is kept from her. She struggles to unlock the secrets of English and Viramontes shows her determination while also providing a concrete representation being the toolbox. Transitioning to the social difficulties Estrella faces, Viramontes introduces Mrs. Horn. Mrs. Horn is easily a symbol for a witch or satanic figure when she is described as having the “face of a Kleenex and a nose like a hook.” She is an obstruction for Estrella in that she prevents her learning because of the “dirt under her fingernails.” The fact that Estrella is again prevented from education adds to her frustration and determination. Viramontes adds to Estrella’s character when adding “Words could become as excruciating as rusted nails piercing the heels of her bare feet”. The allusion to Jesus, noted in the title as well, also connects back to the symbolic tools. The final and possibly most crucial symbol is the handyman, Perfecto Flores. His name literally meaning “perfect flowers” adds to his positive effect on Estrella. Viramontes portrays Perfecto as a symbol of hope and guidance for young Estrella and eventually becomes more of a teacher than any of the actual teachers in the excerpt. Perfecto “opened up the tool chest” figuratively and literally which not only taught Estrella the tools, but also how to read. The symbolism used by Viramontes successfully develops Estrella from a frustrated girl to one eager to learn and further expand her knowledge.

Adam Marcon said...

Adam Marcon AP English

The sympathetic tone of this piece, utilized by Viramontes, is crucial in the demonstration of Estrella’s frustration and determination while she sets out on her challenging journey for knowledge. Viramontes is able to capture your attention through the tone of her writing by using a very emotional tone to allow you to feel the determination of Estrella. The tone used brings about feelings of frustration and allows the reader to feel for Estrella and support her in her efforts. Viramontes even uses this tool to allow you to develop the same feelings of contempt towards the characters who pose as obstacles for Estrella, much like Estrella’s own contempt. The tone also allows for the almost humorous attitude that Estrella feels towards the teacher, Mrs. Horn. The childlike perception and description enforced by the tone allows for vicious irony in the comparison of a would be dispenser of knowledge to a demonic and satanic figure with distasteful features of the physical and emotional variety. Tone is an incredibly strong tool when used creatively and Viramontes allows it to serve a dual purpose. While the tone evokes feelings of sympathy in the reader it is also is an outlet Viramontes uses to speak from the perspective of her lead character Estrella. Speaking vicariously through Estrella, Viramontes is able to give personal input on the subject of unfair educational treatment. This is masterfully done and does not go too far in its delivery of this message and infringe on the development Estrella’s character but rather works to add further development in showing the profound maturity and strive that exsists within Estrella’s young mind. Through the use of this very strategic tone Viramontes accomplishes both the goal of sending a societal message and the goal of developing her character rapidly and admirably.

Hogan Bridges said...

The repetition of key words and phrases throughout the passage helps to characterize Estrella’s character, as she progressively grows in her learning. Viramontes continuously displays tools in the passage to help the reader identify her confusion to learning with her confusion in another area. He writes that “The script A’s had the curlicue of a pry bar, a hammerhead split like a V. The small i’s resembled nails” introducing a very close relation between the two. Previous to this, Viramontes had already introduced the idea of a toolbox which hints at this display. Within this he repeats that each letter is a different tool and shows how they relate. He then repeats this later on in the passage where he writes “The curves and tails of the tools made no sense and the shapes were as foreign and meaningless to her as chalky lines on the blackboard”. Estrella doesn’t understand the function of the tools again, just like the letters she learns in class. Finally at the end once Perfecto explains the tools, the repetition is seen once more where Viramontes writes “Tools to build, bury, tear down, rearrange, and repair, a box of reasons his hands took pride in”. He continues with “She lifted the pry bar in her hand, felt the coolness of iron and power of function” where Estrella’s character learns that each tool has a function, leading her to the conclusion that each letter does as well, and that she is capable of learning them just like the tools.
-Hogan Bridges

Em Brogan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily Brogan said...

By shifting from a frustrated and confused tone to one of acceptance and understanding, Viramontes illustrates the dynamic characterization of Estrella throughout the excerpt. The scene begins with Estrella repeatedly asking “so what is this?” to express her annoyance with the tools in Perfecto’s tool box which she cannot comprehend the meanings of (1;4;15). Due to the hurried and cyclical nature of the school routine, the teachers “never [gave] her the information that she wanted” and they merely wished her “good luck once the pisca was over, reserving the desks in the back of the classroom for the next batch of migrant children” (12-13;24-26). Viramontes depicts a transient relationship between the teachers and students, with neither one of them having enough time to properly focus on education; this then echoes back to the implied temporariness of Perfecto’s red tool chest “like a suitcase near the door” (2). Because Estrella is so preoccupied with her frustration and confusion over both the foreign language and alien tools, she never has time to be concerned with her physical appearance; thus, she is genuinely surprised when teachers cap her incessantly due to her seemingly unclean appearance, as “it had never occurred to Estrella that she was dirty” (33-34). Despite the initial air of irritation shown by Estrella, Viramontes shifts the tone to one of understanding once Perfecto begins teaching her the functions and importance of the tools; these tools which have the power to “build, bury, tear down, rearrange and repair” parallel the uses of the words that Estrella has had such a hard time understanding (68-69). It is not until she starts to “understand how essential it was to know these things that...she began to read” (72-74). Throughout the course of the excerpt, Viramontes employs a shifting tone in order to reveal the dynamic characterization of Estrella from a girl who is angry and naïve to the hard-working, dedicated, and voracious individual she becomes after becoming literate.
Emily Brogan

Laura said...

Dear John Munger,
I think you have some good quotes, but I think you need more explanations for the ones you have. You may even be able to shorten the length of your first quote you chose, to keep your point more condensed and specific. Seeming which you are writing a paragraph about detail, it is important to stress the significance of the details used to convey Estrella's changing character. The sentence "this was a difficulty that she went through" needs more to it. You may even be able to rewrite it/combine it with the previous sentence to voice a clearer well thought out explanation. You may want to consider your transition of “the final example” because what you are implying is that there are only 3 examples throughout the excerpt of detail, which there is a lot more. Another thing I noticed was that you didn't really analyze her development throughout the excerpt, only really her initial character. I might mention the effect it had on her just to incorporate/convey that transition. Other than some quick spelling errors, I’d say you’re on your way to writing a really good paragraph, good job!
-Laura

Emily D said...

In the beginning of the excerpt, Viramontes uses tone to show Estrella’s frustration in regards to language. For example, when Estrella sees Perfecto’s tool chest by the front door, she “became very angry. So what was this about? She had opened the tool chest and all that jumbled steel inside the box…seemed as confusing and foreign as the alphabet she could not decipher…she slammed the lid closed” (3-9). Estrella has started associating Perfecto’s tools with language and now starts directing her frustration towards them. The question “So what was this about?” is frequently asked throughout the passage, but is never answered much to Estrella’s dismay. When she looks in the tool chest, Estrella only sees the tools as “jumbled steel” because she has never learned their purpose. She has the same problem with words, given how no one has taught her their function or how to use them to her advantage. By having Estrella slam the lid closed at the end, Viramontes asserts a tone of frustration. This tone begins to shift, however, when Perfecto Flores introduces Estrella to the tools and shows her how they work. By showing the girl how to use each tool, Perfecto is teaching Estrella to appreciate the activity of learning as well as satisfying her need for understanding. At the end of the passage, she “came to understand how essential it was to know these things. That was when she began to read” (72-74). Finally someone in Estrella’s life has invested their time into her education, which helps kick start her desire to learn. Viramontes uses Perfecto’s guidance to influence a shift in the tone of the passage from frustration to determination.
Emily Durst

Emily D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric Sanford said...

Dear John Cormier,
Your combination of the two devices of imagery and diction should probably be shortened to just diction, as that is what you were mainly addressing in the paragraph. Your integration of the quotes into the flow of the sentences is well done, though some further explanation could help to refine your points. You did a good job in keeping the author the subject of the paragraph, not "chasing the puppets." However, in order to better highlight Viramontes' diction, more emphasis towards analyzing the use of Spanish and the choice of Estrella's two teacher's contrasting names are crucial, in a similar way to how you analyzed the use if the word "foreign" in the paragraph. There were also some minor spelling and grammatical errors to be considered, but overall still very coherent and on point; not a bad start at all.
-Eric

Mr. Kefor said...

Overall, we have some good foundational drafts here. Keep the comments coming so we can help one another meet the expectations of the rubric.

Anonymous said...

Laura I liked the word "triangulated foil" that you used in the begining of your paragraph, it then trickled down and related all of the deatails to the triangulation.

Ariana Bruno

melanie morris said...

Ahnya Dague,
Your paragraph is strong in concept, but needs cleaning up so that your ideas can be honed in on. One quick fix is a typo in "allusions portray Estrella as dedicated and determined young lady" I think you would want to say, "as A dedicated..." Another thing would be to go through and mix up some of your word choice! You say there that she is "determined and dedicated", and a few sentences later use the same two adjectives together. While reading your paragraph, I found some of your phrasing to be repetetive, yet you provide insightful explanation for several different examples. Being careful of how you choose your words and organize/structure your ideas will help them to be brought to the forefront of the piece's focus!

Ariana Bruno
I really liked your choice of device (indirect characterization) because with this excerpt being from Estrella's point of view, we get a sense of who she is without her explicitly thimking or saying "I am sad because of this. This makes me very confused" etc. There is some of that direct characterization, but her actions and thoughts in regards to learning develop her more. As for your writing, I feel that your points would more clearly be expressed if you provided just a little bit more explanation for your claims. We know that summary is not how to approach writing at our level, but we must address the how and why of each thing that we analyze. Overall, you have a solid grasp and strong points to work with but I would consider revision of your final sentence as it does not seem to tie in as well.

Emily D said...

Dear Kaitlin M,
Overall, I thought your paragraph was a good start. However, some things could be enhanced. When you mention Estrella’s frustration in the beginning of your paragraph, you could mention the tool box and how it makes her feel when she sees it. This way you can explain what exactly triggers her rage and provide evidence for it. You did a good job explaining how Estrella’s frustration is also induced by the lack of time and effort her teacher puts into her education. I think it just needs to be worded a little better. When you say “Instead of teaching Estrella, they fuss over the fact that…” who are “they”? Instead of using “they”, write “the teacher” or “Mrs. Horn” instead so that the reader knows who you are talking about. Since you use some longer quotes in your paragraph, such as “that the wet towel…Mrs. Horn” and “Tools to build…repair”, you might want to cite them with the line numbers just to be on the safe side. The smaller quote tidbits should be fine without citation, though. Otherwise, I liked how you explained your thoughts and had support for every claim. You still kept it concise and I like where you are going with it.
--Emily D

Emily D said...

Dear Kaitlin M,
Overall, I thought your paragraph was a good start. However, some things could be enhanced. When you mention Estrella’s frustration in the beginning of your paragraph, you could mention the tool box and how it makes her feel when she sees it. This way you can explain what exactly triggers her rage and provide evidence for it. You did a good job explaining how Estrella’s frustration is also induced by the lack of time and effort her teacher puts into her education. I think it just needs to be worded a little better. When you say “Instead of teaching Estrella, they fuss over the fact that…” who are “they”? Instead of using “they”, write “the teacher” or “Mrs. Horn” instead so that the reader knows who you are talking about. Since you use some longer quotes in your paragraph, such as “that the wet towel…Mrs. Horn” and “Tools to build…repair”, you might want to cite them with the line numbers just to be on the safe side. The smaller quote tidbits should be fine without citation, though. Otherwise, I liked how you explained your thoughts and had support for every claim. You still kept it concise and I like where you are going with it.
--Emily D

Anonymous said...

Dear Adam,
Your paragraph overall is great, you have a lot of good examples and vocab. It could be made stronger by adding quotes from the prose to further back up your ideas!
Marissa Eisnor

Jensen Bramwell said...

Anna Sweeney,
I really like your use of the quote that incorporates the tools, but I think you should add more about Viramontes and what she did for Estrella.

Anonymous said...

Johnny Munga!
Maybe try to word the first sentence differently. Also, I think that in place of writing this detail shows, you could hint at it without repeating your topic sentence. You're quotes are good. :)

John Munger said...

Dear Adam Marcon,
This is a very well constructed and well written paragraph. There is a lack of quotes in your paragraph. I recommend using them to strengthen your paragraph. You wrote about tone, so quotes from the excerpt that convey tone would help make your paragraph even better than it already is. Good Work!
John Munger

Anonymous said...

Adam your paragraph is strong but lacks in quotes. Try to use more quotes that relate to your specific subject.

Ariana Bruno

Anonymous said...

Adam your paragraph is strong but lacks in quotes. Try to use more quotes that relate to your specific subject.

Ariana Bruno

Eric Sanford said...

Dear Melanie,
Overall, your paragraph is very strong, with good quote usage to convey the points you are making. As you are highlighting diction, you might benefit by delving a bit deeper into Viramonte's use of words, rather than mainly just acknowledging it, but otherwise it is a decent start.
-Eric

Adam Marcon said...

HIIII JOHN!!!! hey bud how bout tryin' to add quotes a little more organically instead of forcing them into your text... SWAG!

Anonymous said...

Dear Eric,
I like your opening, and the quotation within it. However I believe that you should perhaps rework it to be a tad more streamlined so you can increase you point density.

Hogan said...

Melanie

Your quotes are very applicable to the topic, but the incorperation could use a little work. Introducing quotes helps to set up the reader with some form of basis for why and or how the quote relates to your device. Speaking of which, you do a good job of describing the how, but why does Viramontes use diction in that way. Overall, pretty good, just needs more detail.

melanie morris said...

Hogan Stone Bridges,
Viramontes is a woman hey. I think that your paragraph has valid ideas, but I’m not quite sure that your examples are ones of repetition. If you make your points more about the comparison between the tools and letters, which you already explain, then I think that would open up more room for other analysis (like comparing Perfecto and Mrs Horn”
-Melanie

Anonymous said...

Kaitlin you have strong points but need to explain them more than just with quotes. The usage of quotes is beneficial but can swamp your writing if not thoroughly explained.

Ariana

Adam Marcon said...

John good points but the grammar had a few mistakes and was somewhat sloppy.... SWAG!

Anonymous said...

Eric,
You're paragraph is really good! The only thing I can really point out is that you used the power of function quote twice, which is fine. Maybe you could switch one of them out and use another quote in place of it just so it has more power on the reader.

Ahnya Dague said...

Jensen,
Your paragraph is very strong in regards to the details and support. You incorporate the quotes well and explain them thoroughly. I like all the examples you used- it shows a range of variability. However, be careful of over summarizing. I feel like you could take out some of the summarizing and your point would still be just as strong. Overall, well done.

Jasmine,
I really like how you incorporate your quotes into the paragraph. It flows really well and almost seems as as if the quotes are just an extension of your thoughts. They don't feel forced at all, which I find is hard to do. Well done. However, with such an abundance of quotes, I feel as though your "why" gets a little lost. Maybe by making the paragraph a little longer you could add to that while keeping all of your quotes. I think what you have is great- don't delete any of it- but just add a little more of the WHY instead of the WHAT.

Laura said...

Dear Marissa,
I think it would be beneficial to reword/restructure your first sentence. The start of the sentence seems a little awkward. Be careful with spelling and other grammatical issues, as it makes it really hard to follow your paragraph. I like how you introduce the two characters with quotes rather than words. Overall, I like the ideas you present, I would just rework/refine some sentences for a clearer understanding.
-Laura

Laura said...

Dear Jensen,
Overall, I think you have excellent ideas and use a solid integration of quotes. The biggest flaw I see are simple grammatical/structural issues that when fixed would help your essay present itself in a clearer manner. One example of this is where you say "She is an obstruction for Estrella in that she prevents her learning because of the 'dirt under her fingernails'" I think it would sound better if you were to say "She is an obstruction for Estrella in the sense that she prevents..." and then I might also add "because she is caught up with 'the dirt under her finger nails.'" Another example is when you say "and the tools, which are locked in the chest, are symbolic of the..." This sentence seems like a run on sentence, in which to change it you could have the last part/idea stand alone in another following sentence. Overall, nice job!
-Laura

Ahnya Dague said...

Arianna,
Your paragraph is lovely but there are a few things I would add. You have loads of "what" with plenty of examples. From these, I believe you could incorporate more "how" and "why" by getting just a little deeper into your explanation. There is nothing wrong with what you have but I think there's some room to add a bit more. Also, maybe consider adding another, smaller quote into the paragraph for added emphasis. Best of luck!
-Ahnya D